“Marriage doesn’t work in the world today, it’s an institution that is in decay,” was a quote by the late-singer of Sublime, Bradley Nowell, that I used as a dysfunctional kid in a broken family.

As a kid, everywhere around me was divorce. I am the product of divorce. I often wondered how people stayed married for so long. I imagined there was a magic potion or spell that they took, or that they probably weren’t happy at all but just settled and afraid to change. But a few times, only a few, did I notice a married couple that seemed incredibly happy and content after many years together.

I have asked married couples over the years what they do to stay together and they give different answers. “Learn when it’s time to shut-up,” or “Always get the last word, ‘Yes ma’am’ “, or “Don’t go to bed angry, stay up and fight,” or “Grow together, not apart,” or “Find the right person, be the right person,” or “Put the needs of the family before yourself,” or “Realize it’s a lifetime of tough work, be prepared,” or “Don’t cheat and don’t quit.” All of these sayings went up and over my head before I was married, but as a married man they percolate in the heart and they often rise to the surface as mantras to a Buddhist or prayers to a Catholic.

As an adult, divorce is still all around. It has not gone anywhere. In the past three years, I have seen 7 marriages on my road end in divorce. 7! Has divorce become more prevalent? Has marriage become more rare? I am not a statistician, but I hear people talking and it seems like the common belief is that fewer people are entering marriage, staying married, and desiring a monogamous relationship for the entirety of their lives. We want freedom, change, careers, and change. The same ol’ thing can be boring! Or so they think.

I am here to say that marriage is the opposite of boring. That learning how to love and trust somebody in their entirety is liberating. That learning how to be vulnerable and open is healing. And that being married really is quite easy. Learn how to shut up, put the family above the individual, never go to bed angry, always get the last word, sign up for a lifetime of hard work, don’t cheat and don’t quit, and drink the magic potion.

Yesterday was our 6 year anniversary! And while I cannot guarantee that we will be reach a 10 or 20 year anniversary, I can take one day at a time and watch the seeds of our love grow into beautiful fruit.

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