Sometimes I am jealous of my wife’s large family. She has four sisters, 8 nieces and nephews, a living mother and father and step-mother, a grandmother and grandfather, and too many aunts and uncles and cousins to count. She does a great job of keeping in touch with her sisters and parents by calling regularly and trying to remember birthdays for the kids. (They are often forgotten.) It causes my best friend and wife a lot of pain that her sisters hardly call or text with questions about her life, if at all. Her Dad is often too busy to answer (I guess that’s what happens with retirement) and he rarely calls back. (Although the other day, he called Savanna out-of-the-blue for the first time since we have been together and she talked about it all day.) She speaks with her step-mother during FaceTime calls with the kids. Her mother, on the other hand, is a Saint when it comes to staying in touch with her children and grandchildren. She answers the phone any place, any time. In uniform at work, driving on the interstate, in the middle of the night, hanging with the grandkids. She ALWAYS answers. In the 5 years that we have been married, Cindy has come to Alaska to visit twice, once with one of Savanna’s sisters. The other three sisters make no mention of coming to visit with or without their kids, because what the hell is there for clean city folks from Kansas City to do in Bumfuck, Chicken-Shit-Covered, Off-Grid-Crazy, Civil-Waresque, Freezing Ass Cold Alaska? Count trees, feed ravens, build igloos, and try to stay warm. Woopdeedooda!

So when I begin to feel jealous for my wife’s large family, I stop comparing and look at the reality of my brotherhood. We haven’t always been close, and we’ve done each other wrong quite a few times, but we talk about the good times, the bad times, and the shitty times. And we have forgiven each other for our wrongdoings, and we encourage each other to live our best lives rather than secretly compete and compare. Today, I am blessed to have a brother who calls, writes, texts, sends pictures, comments on the pictures that I send, answers my calls (when he’s in country and not on the job), and always gets back to me within a few hours. He visits and stays for weeks, months, years- and is loved and trusted by us and our daughters due to his consistent presence. He cares for, talks with, and asks about his sister, Savanna, and busts his ass out here on the farm to help his family without any expectations of rewards. James has lived a life of turmoil, redemption, and resilience that has made him grateful, adaptable, and focused on his religion and his relationship with God every hour of the day.

I am grateful for my big brother, James. For being available, for supporting his family throughout the daily grinds of life, and for influencing us in positive ways every day.