We talk a lot about resilience in our family. How can we be more resilient? How can we raise our children to be resilient? What does that look like? Let us start with the definition.
According to the online dictionary resilience is:
1. the capacity to withstand or to recovery quickly from difficulties; toughness
2. the ability of a substance or an object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Just a short week ago, Bob was talking to me about patience, something I always feel short on. He had told me something that our friend Barry had told him- people often pray for patience, but they don’t understand that God then puts you in situations to grow your patience. It’s not just like 💥 poof 💥 there is your patience!
Well doggone it.
Everything sure is work. And when you are in a positive, calm, comfortable state, the work is beautiful. Being a human, with the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, is truly miraculous. But saying this in the sorrows is tough. Saying it in just irritating, annoying, or difficult times might be even more difficult to recognize.
The closing on our house in Missouri went as smoothly as I could have hoped for. Of course, there were difficulties, unforeseen financial circumstances (which thankfully we planned for-there always are in those cases), and a lot more work that needed to be done that we did not plan for. Doing so with 2 toddlers (although I feel Primrose is out of the toddler phase and into the kid phase- am I just refusing to accept it or do I think the articles online are wrong and my 3 year old is a fully blown KID), full time work for ourselves- Bobs new book cover is almost finished, the story is getting polished up right up to the very end, our newsletter is continuing to be put out every month and we work on it constantly throughout the month, our weekly blog posts are on schedule, we are making videos, I am in school part time at UAF with weekly classes, discussions and quizzes due, and part time through an alternative program, I was able to put my earrings into 2 shops in Missouri- and our late planning traveling to another country, we were very pressed for time. Not to mention all of the socializing and relationship building we did with family while there. We did not foresee being so busy. I mean, we planned on having pretty full schedules but we also planned to have some downtime. It was beautiful to look back on but sometimes it did not seem so beautiful and I just wanted to scream as loud as I could as a feeling of overwhelm was starting to paralyze my moments.
There were two days our children were sick, and instead of snuggling up and cuddling them all day, we made them some homemade soup and put them in front of the tv to watch 3 movies each day while we worked on the house project that needed to get done. Is this what resilience looks like? Now to be clear, I don’t think setting up my sick children to rest and watch movies is wrong, but I don’t think it is right either. It’s not about wrong or right, it’s about resilience building, in myself and in my family. Both Bob and I were slightly under the weather as well, but did we take the time to rest? No we pushed through it and accomplished so many needed and unneeded tasks.
We overpacked for Mexico. Partially because I’m the type of person who loves to have back ups, and partially because we didn’t know we were coming to Mexico. I packed our passports “just in case we get the chance to go somewhere” MCI is an international airport after all. But we also brought, against Bob’s minimalist will, a regular sized backpack, Primrose’s carry on backpack, my carry on backpack, an exactly 50 pound stuffed north face basecamp duffle, two baby carriers (one smaller semi-foldable one and one steel frame) and two car seats (kill me now). Getting in and out of airports has been a trial. It’s building resilience! Toughness, brute freaking force. We left quite a bit of clothes at our Missouri home (all of our winter gear – thank god we have back ups at home) but we still came with a full load.
We had talked on the plane here to take a cab from Puerto Vallarta to Sayulita. We figured it would be a $60 cab ride, Barry and Donna did it two years ago when they met us here and that’s about what it cost them. When we inquired it was going to cost us a minimum on $121 ! My how two years have changed the cost. So we decided to take the bus again. This means we had to carry all of our stuff out of the airport, across the street and wait for our bus. I carried both carriers with both children (Marlena on my back and Primrose on my front- which should have been reversed), and Bob carried the 50 pound duffle on his back with 2 backpacks shoved inside, one small one on his front and a car seat in each arm. I was wearing jeans like an idiot and I thought I was going to melt as we had to hop on a MOVING bus. But we saved at least $115 because it only cost us around 5 US dollars. Once I was on, a man who we ended up sitting next to, stuck his hand out and was slightly pushing Marlena’s carrier forward to make sure she wouldn’t get closed in the bus door. His baby was born that day and we were able to enjoy talking with the local people. People cooed and touched Marlena’s face and we were able to remind Primrose this is the same spot that the two little girls were giggling and feeding her their ice cream when we arrived here last time while the United States was deep in covid fear and no one would even look at our beautiful child. Is this the kind of resilience we want to instill? Yes, but this doesn’t come by just slowing down and taking the easy route.
How do we find the balance? How do we push ourselves to our limit and just past, without overdoing it? How do we take our children into consideration when making them trudge along on our path of resilience? Surely their level is lower….or is it? Children are incredibly adaptable and naturally resilient beings. How do we watch for their breaking points? Is it when we break? I know that we need to be “in control”. In control of our actions and emotions. We have to show our children how to be tough, strong, and hardy, but how can we do that when we feel like breaking? How we can build our tolerance if we don’t push ourselves to that limit? How can we get more grace?
We have been joking a little by praying for “an easy enjoyable time”. We just want a relaxing vacation. Yesterday was our second day here. We were walking back from playing on the beach all morning. The sun was hot. We were talking about how different this time around is. We cannot go as far as quickly. I am carrying one child and Bob carries another. Primrose is in that awkward time where she is BIG but not too big (she always reminds us to say “but not too big”). She still cannot walk for miles but it’s very difficult for us to carry her for miles. However, we are. Because we are tough. I’ve been bragging. And then I stepped on a lumpy sidewalk, rolled my ankle and heard it crack.
How tough am I now? While I may feel like a weakling hobbling around the apartment today while my family goes to the beach, but I also feel resilient. I slept with my foot elevated all night and the swelling came down quite a bit. I’m resting up today alone, getting work done- blogging, newsletter, school and maybe I’ll do some beading. I’m showing my children the strength in resting and accepting help. I’m teaching them that it is important to not just push through everything, but to recognize and constantly reanalyze your boundaries. Strength and toughness is not just in brute force, but it is a mental state. I’m learning to remember to be grateful for the situation I am in and to watch what I freaking pray for.
How do I continue to be so blessed with such resilience? All those tough years of praying for patience I suppose.
Love this so much!