After weeks of crying, cooking, cleaning, catering, disciplining, diaper changes, cooking, cleaning, crying, diaper changes, on repeat- I am tired. Very tired.

I started this blog intent on writing about my next book. A quick-read self-help book for people between the ages of 18-65 who want to transform their inner and outer life, but I couldn’t seem to think clearly enough to write anything about it. I thought I would copy and paste the introduction, the first chapter, the table of contents, the acknowledgments, anything- but I didn’t. My nerves are too shot to make the decision.

I started to write about the daily grind here with the kids but everything seemed whiny, negative, and melodramatic. So I deleted it.

Since we are working hard to maintain a weekly blog post, and because forty-five people are paying us for a monthly newsletter with the hopes that they will also receive a weekly post, I am setting the tiredness aside to write something.

I will stick to the facts and strip away the emotion so as not to bring anybody else down the drain with me.

It snowed today. May 9th, and we got an inch or two. A friend texted, “God is playing one sick joke on his favorite people.” I replied, “There is no God.”

I went to Captain Harlan’s house to work on the 2004 Pontiac Vibe that I inherited when my mother died. We removed every tire, sprayed them with soapy water and checked for leaks, then separated the tire from the wheel before cleaning the wheel with a steel brush. We put the tire back on the rim and then balanced them on his machine. Captain Harlan diagnosed my radiator fan is broken and needs replaced, and he removed and replaced the positive clamp to my battery, which was loose. The Vibe now needs new front calipers, rotors, and brake pads, a new radiator fan, and a transmission flush- and she is fully road worthy.

With gas prices at $5.59/gallon, 32 mpg sounds pretty good compared to our two gas guzzlers.

Our water is still frozen and we are still collecting rainwater/snowmelt to use for dishes, toilet, drinking water (after filtering), bathing, chickens, and plants.

We met with our niece and nephew, Ingrid and Liam, yesterday at Karen Hornaday Park in Homer. What a joy to see them! They came out to the place a couple of hours later with their mother and grandmother for a surprise carrot cake, lasagna, and homemade garlic bread that Savanna whipped up. Everybody was highly impressed by Savanna’s magic! And they LOVED our little home. I thought Liam was going to cry when we sang him “Happy Birthday” in front of 11 lit candles in a carrot cake. Carrot cake is his favorite, I learned. I wish I could see Ingrid and Liam more often, we all do.

Our older girls are tired. We all sleep in the same room, and the babies awake multiple times a night crying. One of them wakes up between 5-7 every morning screaming for who-knows-what. The other quickly follows, and the screaming is echoed. The big girls don’t wake up to the sound, but they stir until they rise. Mom and Dad get up and start the day of service. We are all tired.

Our plants are ready to go in the ground but our greenhouse is still muddy and frozen, as are the garden beds. No beds are ready to work. Not yet. The garden will be late this year, which is okay, we will focus on fall crops.

Sandhill cranes are walking all over the road and we can hear them all night talking, as well as the Wilson’s Snipe. We love this time of year with the returning birds.

Every moment I step away from the kids, I obsessively research, think, and implement steps to publish my next book. I don’t want to wait for an agent and the slow process of traditional publishing, nor do we have the money to pay a hybrid publisher. So I will take the lessons I learned from the past, apply the principles used by traditional and hybrid publishers, and hope for a successful, profitable, and helpful self-help book.

I will begin publishing chapters on our blog in the coming weeks to try and lure you into buying the book when it comes out. So stay tuned!

We are committed to doing a weekly bike ride in Homer all summer. Savanna and I love to ride, and we love to share our love with the family.

Thanks for following along on our journey. I wish I could be more energized to write something deep, hilarious, or adventurous- but this is who I am during this stage of life.

We appreciate your love and support!

Until next week,

The Starks
(I thought I would leave you with a song)